Interdit
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Total Drama gets banned from television worldwide and Chris is going to drastic lengths to overturn the ban, starting with Canada. However, Chris brings the whole cast along with him and, given their behavioural patterns, getting the show unbanned won't be an easy task for our favourite egotistical, sadistic host.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my most twisted fic yet. In fact, it puts the twistedness of my stories to shame. Many taboos will be portrayed and many boundaries will be pushed. I think I'm putting myself out on a limb writing this. Oh well. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Total Drama**_**. If I did… it wouldn't be the same.**

* * *

The whole cast of _Total Drama_ were sitting in an office-style room in a building somewhere in Toronto. They were called for a meeting with Chris that they had to attend. Naturally, even if some of them ignored the email, they would still be present. For example, Duncan was bailed out of jail just to go to that meeting. Or to be more precise, Chef broke into the prison, beat up a few guards (and maybe killed some of them) and kidnapped Duncan. Chef pretty much kidnapped everyone. One minute Sierra was molesting Cody and Cameron in the shower and the next minute Chef barges in and kidnaps all three of them. On the bright side, when Chef kidnapped Courtney, she was helping her mother plan a coup d'état. Courtney's mother protested this but Chef just threw sulphuric acid on her and everyone else that was helping her. So to make a long story short, Chef saved Canada from becoming a Fascist regime.

So anyway, everyone was busy griping over Chef kidnapping them and ruining their plans in the room when Chris suddenly came in and took his seat at the top of the table. He blew his air horn into a loudspeaker; silencing the whole room.

"What… is… your… PROBLEM?!" Courtney shrieked, cleaning out her ears as everyone else was doing.

Chris removed his earmuffs and smirked. "Just wanted to grab your attention," he replied.

"Couldn't you have used a way of grabbing our attention that ODES NOT INVOLVE DAMAGING OUR HEARING?!" Eva roared.

"Nope," Chris smirked. "Well, I could've, but I chose not to. Anyway, I bet you are wondering why I called you all here, right."

"No, we all just assumed that you were planning on killing yourself and you wanted to take us all with you to Hell," Noah rolled his eyes.

"Muslims don't believe in Hell, they believe in JAHANNAM!" Harold snarled at Noah. "Curse your ignorance of your own religion! IDIOT!"

"Harold, if I said Jahannam instead of Hell, Chris would think it would have something to do with Indian culture when it doesn't," Noah glared. "Besides, it is a Muslim concept of Hell," he added.

"You still shouldn't be permitting Chris to be an idiot, even though he is," Harold glared. "If you do that, you're an idiot. And you will go to Jahannam for an idiot."

"Well I believe that after you die you will go to some black hole for all eternity where you will not be able to think, imagine or do virtually anything and all memory of you will be erased from everyone else so that we won't have to put up with you ever again," Noah deadpanned.

"Yeah, as much as I hope that happens can I continue on with what I was saying?" Chris interjected. "Anyway, I've brought you all here to tell you guys that _Pahkitew Island_ has been cancelled." The host was met with blank stares.

"Those that mean all of the future seasons have been cancelled?" Jo asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Chris sighed. "There will be no more future seasons of _Total Drama_, for the show has been banned worldwide."

"What happened?" Anne Maria sneered. "Did the show get banned cos of bad continuity?"

"No, it got banned because of you guys!" Chris gritted his teeth. "This was a good show, and then you all brought in your stupid adult humour in with you and fucked everything up!"

"Dude, you and Chef were kinda at it as well," Geoff protested. "You kept slapping our asses and in a deleted season Chef told me he was going to tie me up to a pole and rape me."

"And it was pretty much your idea to brand the show as 'family-friendly'," LeShawna added. "If it was rated R there would be less protests."

"Well tough," Chris huffed. "I still want to have Pahkitew Island filmed and broadcasted. I'm going to see to it to have this show unbanned. And you guys are helping."

"What's in it for us?" Heather demanded.

"Your right to live," Chris threatened.

"Wait, you're g-g-gonna… gonna k-k-KILL US?!" DJ spluttered.

"If you guys help me get the show unbanned, I won't," Chris assured them.

"We could report you to the authorities for this," Zoey warned. "This is in total violation of our rights, if that's okay with the Canadian government."

"Yeah, you see," Chris explained, "the Canadian government has stripped all of us, including myself, of our personhoods. Before _Total Drama_ came along our country used this 'nice Canadian' propaganda to lure in tourists from all over the world so that we could take their dough. But now that they've seen _Total Drama_ and what Canada really is like when the whole world isn't looking, tourism has went down quite a bit. The Irish, Swiss, Swedish, New Zealand and Mexican governments have even threatened to invade us because of the show."

"Isn't it amazing how it's always the victims that have to suffer, huh?" Gwen rolled her eyes, beckoning to everyone in the room besides Chris and Chef.

"Shut up," Chris moaned. "I'm really tired of explaining this to you. So we're just going to get on the bus and commute all the way to Ottawa to get mine and Chef's personhoods back and have the show unbanned."

"What about **our** personhoods?" Alejandro raised an eyebrow.

"Not my problem," Chris shrugged.

"I'm sure the Canadian government will give us all back our personhoods but why did you arrange for this meeting to be held in Ottawa?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah… I kinda thought that Toronto was the capital of Canada," Chris feebly laughed.

"Is it cos you're an idiot?" Harold asked.

"Just shut up and get on the bus," Chris frowned. Everyone immediately rose up from their seats and raced each other for the back seats of the bus. Naturally, they all stopped to go to the toilet and then continued on their race for the back seats.

* * *

However, when everyone has got on the bus, a horrible sight met their eyes.

Sitting in the back of the bus were, from left to right, Chester, Manitoba Smith, Mal, Svetlana and Vito.

"What's going on?! I thought they were all morphed into your personality?!" Scott glared.

Mike sighed. "I felt bad for my personalities – well, most of them anyway – so I asked B to help me release all of them except Mal," he explained. "He built this machine that looked like a porta potty. I went in it and he pushed a blue button to release Chester, Vito, Svetlana and Manitoba Smith. However, Justin wandered into B's lab naked and started to thrust his waist about and shake his wang. B screamed at him to leave. Normally he doesn't talk but he actually spoke this time to make Justin leave. But Justin ignored him and continued to strip-dance like the pervert he is until he slipped on a banana skin, stumbled towards the machine and fell onto the red button, pushing it. The end result is the release of all of my personalities, including Mal."

"I'm right here you know you little shit!" Mal snapped at Mike.

"Hang on, I thought you guys hated Mal," Cameron told Chester, Svetlana, Vito and Manitoba Smith."

"We do, but he insisted on sitting with us," Manitoba Smith glared. "Sorry mate, but you and yer Sheila will just have to take the seats in front of Chester and Svetlana," he told Mike. Mike shrugged and he and Zoey took the seats Manitoba Smith suggested.

"Ay, Ay, Anne Maria; saved ya a seat," Vito slapped his thighs. Anne Maria squealed in delight and ran up to Vito and sat on his lap. The two proceeded to make out, much to the disgust of Mike's other former personalities.

"I suppose that's one reason why our show could remain banned," Noah deadpanned. "Another reason is Trent's number nine obsession."

"It's not an obsession, it's the fundamental element of life!" Trent glared. "If you dare disgrace the Ninth God I will personality see to it that you get sent to the Place Devoid of the Number Nine for all nine eternities for being a blasphemous nine-hating heretic and for offending the Ninth God!"

"You're delusional," Noah snarked, before returning back to his book.

"NINE-HATER!" Trent shrieked. But before he could pounce on Noah, Chef – who got on the driver's seat – slammed his foot onto the pedal and the bus speeded off. Trent fell off his seat. Because he was on the floor, Izzy literally decided to claim him. Nobody bothered to stop her.

Things were by no means less chaotic up closer to the front of the bus. Duncan was listening to heavy metal music on his iPod. He had headphones on and he was singing out the lyrics quietly enough so that only the people sitting next to, behind or in front of him could hear him.

"Heute treff' ich einen Herrn," Duncan sang. DJ, who was sitting in the seat next to Duncan's, turned to Duncan and was like:

"Uh, what are you singing?"

"Der hat mich zum Fressen gern," Duncan continued to sing, tilting his head to face DJ.

DJ was disgusted. "Ah now, that song is messed up! It's about a guy biting off another guy's private parts, killing him, then eating his corpse."

"Weiche Teile und auch Harte," sang Duncan, ignoring DJ.

"Okay, I'm just going to go sit somewhere else," said DJ, standing up. But before he could move however, Duncan grabbed DJ and pulled him onto his lap.

"Stehen auf der Speisekarte," Duncan whispered into DJ's ears, making DJ cringe.

"Okay, I keep feeling we're forgetting someone," said Chris, who was sitting at the top of the bus, in the row behind Chef's seat with Courtney.

Meanwhile, a few yards behind, Owen was chasing after the bus.

"WAIT (pant)! YOU GUYS (pant, pant) FORGOT (pant) ME!" he panted.

Back on the bus, Chef said to Chris: "We left that cannibal behind."

"Cannibal?" Courtney's ears pricked up.

"Yeah, we had to feed Owen some of our dead interns so that he wouldn't eat up all the food we give to you guys and ourselves," Chris admitted.

Courtney huffed. "Owen always gets the good food. Why couldn't you feed some of those dead interns to us?" she demanded. "I would've preferred that over the brown slop. Unless Chef would've cooked us **proper** food," she added, glaring at Chef.

"Yeah, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother invented cannibalism!" Staci gabbed from the seat behind Chris and Courtney. "Before that-"

Staci could not finish her sentence. Courtney got out a cloth and a poisonous liquid substance and poured some of the liquid onto the cloth. Finally, she turned around, reached over and slapped the cloth onto Staci's mouth, putting Staci to sleep for good.

"Was that really necessary?" Chris glared at Courtney.

"She was annoying the whole time since she sat behind us," Courtney defended herself. "Besides, it's not even half as bad as what Chef did. He killed my mom and everyone else who was helping her to become the next prime minister," she added, glaring at Chef again.

"Excuse me, you whiney little C-U-N-T, but if I didn't kill yo momma she would've become a dictator!" Chef roared.

"Oh please! You would've done the same thing if you had the chance," Courtney rolled her eyes.

"Guys, NOBODY could possibly oust the government in a coup d'état," said Chris. "We have Izzy!"

"Wait, why couldn't she just single handily get our personhoods back and get the show unbanned?" Courtney demanded.

"You're such an idiot, Courtney," said Harold, appearing beside Chris from out of nowhere all of a sudden. "Izzy is unable to achieve all of our goals herself because the writer won't let us. He's such an idiot, but not as much of an idiot as you are for not knowing that." He returned to his seat.

"He'd better pray that this journey takes long enough for me to calm down before I break his arse," Courtney huffed.

"You're so cute when you're mad," Chris smirked.

Courtney blushed. "Shut up!" But she and Chris both knew that she was enjoying it.

The journey continued on. Owen was still running after the bus.

* * *

**Congratulations for making it this far. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I do know that it won't be as lenient as this one. It still won't be as bad as scrolling through the "Offended?" page on Encyclopaedia Dramatica.**

**Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Reception for the first chapter was surprisingly positive. But this chapter will make the previous one look benign. Let's just say there is a lot of screen time for one particular character.**

* * *

Eventually, the bus arrived in Ottawa. That was after a journey that took four hours when one doesn't count the numerous stops Chef had to make so some of the cast can go to the toilet. Once Chef pulled into the car park in Parliament Hill, Courtney proceeded to mercilessly beat the crap out of Harold. Izzy stepped out of the bus with Staci's body in her arms. Bridgette noticed white stains all over Staci and asked:

"Uh, Izzy, what is with those white stains?"

"Oh, Izzy shagged Staci's corpse!" Izzy chirped.

"Yeah, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother invented necrophilia," said Staci, when she woke up all of a sudden. "Before that, people just didn't shag corpses. How sad?" Everyone looked at Staci, both amazed and shocked at the same time.

"Didn't Courtney just kill you?" Gwen asked.

"She obviously didn't use enough of the poisonous liquid substance in an unsuccessful effort to murder Staci because she is an idiot, GOSH!" Harold chimed in, still lying on the floor stomach-down because Courtney had him pinned with her foot on his back. "Curse her inability to carry out proper homicide methods! IDIOT!" In retaliation, Courtney jumped up into the air and landed on Harold's back with her butt. Next, the CIT stood up, picked up Harold and threw him at a wall. Harold uttered "GOSH!" on impact.

"Save the killing for later, Courtney," said Chris. "It's not going to good for me and Chef if we want to have our personhoods back."

"Actually, why should we help you guys get your personhoods back when we won't be getting ours?!" Jo demanded.

"Cos I'm awesome!" Chris smirked. "And besides, you guys don't want to be killed, do ye?"

"How about I kill you and Chef instead?" Eva slammed her fist into her other hand.

"Let's just go to the House of Commons, shall we?" said Chris, quickly trying to change the subject. They headed towards the Parliament in silence.

* * *

The cast went into the House of Commons and sat in the viewing gallery. The House was passing legislation to decriminalise sexual intercourse between humans and other great apes in the final reading.

"Ha! Izzy harassed the Prime Minister to whip his party members into voting for the law!" Izzy chirped.

"I hope it wasn't sexual," said Zoey, cringing.

"Don't worry; it was," Izzy laughed. "After doing the same to his wife, he's going to introduce legislation next week to legalise civil partnerships for incestuous couples."

"Okay…" said Noah… "Why don't you use your 'powers' to 'convince' dictators to bring in democracy to their countries and improve human rights?"

"What's the fun in that?" Izzy asked. "When Izzy could just harass leaders into declaring war on each other's countries? There are two countries already at war with one another! They are-"

"We've seen it all on the news, Izzy," groaned Heather. "And my cousins have happened to be living in one of those countries. They're dead thanks to you!" she scowled.

"Izzy thought of that," Izzy laughed. "Your family will be getting their bodies for Christmas."

Before Heather could blast Izzy for this, Chris shushed them before they could make a scene. Three hours later, the House of Commons adjourned for the evening. Chris caught the Prime Minister's attention as soon as all of the other politicians have left.

"Mr President! Hey Mr President!" Chris called out.

"Canada doesn't have a president, we have a **prime minister**!" Harold corrected. "Curse your ignorance of Canada's parliamentary system of government that it relies on instead of the presidential system you think it relies on! GOSH!"

Chris shoved Harold out of the way and proceeded to catch up to the Prime Minister before he left. "Mr Prime Minister! Hey Mr Prime Minister!" Chris repeated.

The Prime Minister turned around and was like: "Yeah?"

"You think you can unban _Total Drama_?" Chris asked.

"No," the Prime Minister replied. "I can't just overturn a ban on something."

"But you're the prime minister!" Chris protested.

"The body responsible for banning your show is the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission. That's in Gatineau, Quebec," the Prime Minister replied.

"AAAAAAARGH!" Chris groaned, frustrated. "I've come all the way here for nothing!"

"If it's any consolation, it would be pointless to bother going there," the Prime Minister assured him. "There are many other organisations all over Canada and that were responsible for lobbying the CRTC to ban your show. They are still pissed that you sunk Wawanakwa Island. Have you noticed that there was a town on that island with a population of 13,666?"

"Wait a minute!" Alejandro scowled. "Chris said the show was banned because it ruined Canada's diplomatic relations with a lot of countries. He said that Ireland, Mexico, New Zealand, Sweden and Switzerland would have invaded us if it weren't for Izzy living here."

"Uh… now, now, Alejandro, Chris is talking to the nice president," said Chris, nudging Alejandro aside.

"Prime minister! IDIOT!" Harold blurted out.

"Actually Chris, your show has had virtually no impact on Canada's reputation with the rest of the world," the Prime Minister told him. "Even if Ireland, Mexico, New Zealand, Sweden and Switzerland wanted to invade us, they can't. They are too busy fighting for their claims over Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, Venus and Saturn, respectively. Much like how we are trying to maintain our claims of Neptune."

"What about Uranus?" Sam asked.

"The French, the British, the Russians, the Americans and the Chinese don't want it," said the Prime Minister. "But one of them has to have it."

"Can I have Pluto?" Trent asked. "It's the ninth planet from the sun!"

"Pluto is a **dwarf** planet!" Harold corrected Trent. "IDIOT!"

"Still counts!" Trent huffed.

"Sorry Trent, but all countries that have nine letters in their names are sharing Pluto," the Prime Minister rolled his eyes. "But you can have Eris since nobody wants it."

"Fuck that, it's the tenth planet from the sun!" Trent scoffed. "AND I HATE TEN!"

"So does that mean no country is going to invade us?" Bridgette asked, trying to get back to the original subject.

"Yes. We're safe," said the Prime Minister.

"Chris you liar!" Heather snarled upon hearing this.

"Well can you at least just give us back our personhoods?" Zoey asked the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister stared at Zoey blankly. "How do you mean?" he asked.

"Chris said that everyone associated with the show had their personhoods revoked," Zoey explained.

"Of course we didn't revoke anyone's personhoods!" the Prime Minister rolled his eyes. "We as a nation would never do that unless we were dealing with terrorists."

"Isn't Chris and Chef's actions that contributed to the demise of Wawanakwa Island worthy of the criteria for terrorism?" Noah deadpanned.

"Because it was unintentional, it doesn't count," said the Prime Minister. Then he turned to Chris. "But lying to those young adults like that? What is wrong with you? Good luck convincing the CRTC to overturn the ban on your show after I've informed them of your recent actions. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm five minutes late for my lunch break." He grabbed his things and headed towards the door.

"But I am nothing without my show!" Chris protested.

"Well as you tend to say very often, it's not my problem," the Prime Minister smirked. "And by the way, Izzy sexually harassing everyone is not going to help your cause. My son keeps asking me why Izzy has yet to do him for some fucked up reason."

"Don't worry; Izzy slept with your son while he was asleep," Izzy chirped.

The Prime Minister grunted and murmured a few curse words about Izzy as he stormed out of the room.

"So… we're going to Quebec?" Chef asked.

"Yep," said Chris. "It's vital that we get the show unbanned."

"Fine," Chef sighed. "Everyone back on the bus."

"HEY GUYS! I FOUND YOU!" came an all-too familiar voice.

"OH! HELL! NAW!" screeched everyone in unison.

"I MISSED YOU GUYS! I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU!" beamed Owen, running into the House of Commons.

Then he farted.

Everybody passed out.

* * *

**So yeah… disturbing. I had to do a bit of research for this chapter so I can be more familiar with the way things work in Canada. I'm not fully sure if the CRTC really is the equivalent to America's FCC though. And the Prime Minister is not based off of any politician whatsoever. I can't give him a name because one hand I didn't want the fic to be completely inaccurate but on the other hand I am not allowed to depict non-fictional, non-historical characters in my fics. The Prime Minister can be anyone you want in your own sinister mind.**

**Until next time!**


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